A child funeral is a ceremony that honors a life that ended too soon. It can be a special time to share memories and celebrate the hopes and dreams of a life lived, but it can also help parents find closure as they process their loss. Whether you choose to have a traditional funeral or a simple memorial service, it is important to make the right choices for your family.
Children often don’t know what to expect from a funeral, but it is important to talk with them about it in an age appropriate way. Explaining what will happen before, during and after the ceremony can help them decide if they want to attend or not. Let their questions and natural curiosity guide the conversation, but be careful to use words that won’t scare them. Some of the things you might mention include singing, a casket or urn and religious rituals that might be part of the service. It is also important to discuss what will happen if they choose not to attend and to provide them with alternative ways of saying goodbye.
Even if a child decides to attend, they may have some anxiety about what they will see at the ceremony. It is helpful to talk about the options and allow them to be a part of planning the funeral to reduce their uncertainty and build their sense of control. It is also important to provide them with some time off from the busyness of the funeral so they can focus on what is most meaningful to them.
During the service, it is normal for children to feel overwhelmed or bored. Having activities and snacks on hand that can be used as distractions can help them stay engaged and comfortable. It is also a good idea to plan ahead for the length of the funeral so they know how long it will last and have a place where they can go if they need a break. Having a trusted adult who can care for them and take them for breaks can also be helpful.
After the service, it is important to have a discussion with the child about what they saw and experienced. Ask them what was most meaningful to them and if they have any questions or concerns. Be sure to listen and answer them, even if it is simply to say you understand and respect their decision not to attend. This can also be a great opportunity to correct any misinformation or misunderstandings that could have contributed to their decision not to attend.
Lastly, it is helpful to have someone available to care for the other children during the funeral if you choose to attend your child’s service. This person can help manage their needs and keep them safe, so that you have the space you need to process your own feelings of grief and loss. This can be a friend, grandparent or family member who you trust to care for the other children in your household.