A child funeral is a special ceremony that can be a comfort for families. It can also help other mourners find healing and connect to the deceased child. It is important to remember that every family is unique and that children respond differently to death. Regardless of age, most children can be involved in the funeral service in a way that feels meaningful to them. The most important thing to keep in mind is to respect a child’s individual needs and comfort level.
Before the service it is helpful to explain in an age-appropriate manner what will happen during the ceremony. This can include what they will see (casket or urn, religious rituals) and how people may act. It is also a good time to ask them what questions they might have.
When the ceremony does occur, it is often useful to have a designated adult who can support a child. This can be a trusted relative or friend. They can provide a safe space where a child can retreat if needed, give them attention and affection and be the person they can turn to with questions.
It is also important to reassure a child that their sibling is not in pain or fear, even if they are in a closed casket. It can be comforting to a child to hear that their sibling is “resting comfortably” or that they are “at peace.”
If a child is not attending the funeral it is important to allow them to make this choice freely and without pressure. If they decide to attend, it is also a good idea to let them know that they can change their mind on the day and that it is perfectly fine. Some children prefer to have a memorial event instead of a funeral.
During the memorial event or gathering, it can be comforting for a child to be able to share stories and pictures of the deceased. It can also be a great opportunity for family members and friends to talk about the child, and to share memories that will never be forgotten.
A photo board or matted picture frame can be a wonderful place for guests to leave messages. It is a nice idea to have markers available for kids, and even adults, to write their messages. Many people like to have flowers, candles and other tokens from the deceased on display during a memorial event or gathering.
Many crematoria, cemeteries and funeral homes have reduced costs or no fees for a child’s funeral. It is a good idea to discuss this with your funeral director, who can answer any questions you might have. They can also refer you to community resources if needed.