Child funeral is a term used to describe the process of planning and holding a memorial service for a deceased infant, toddler or young child. The decision to involve children in this way varies widely among families and is usually determined by the level of comfort they feel and the amount of preparation that has taken place. Involving children in family commemorative rituals helps them understand that death is a natural part of life and is not something to be afraid of.
When children are involved in a child funeral, it is important to have an open line of communication and to prepare them for what they will experience. This will allow them to express their emotions and questions freely and without feeling judged. It is also important to reassure them that it is okay to be sad and scared, as these feelings are normal.
The most important factor in determining whether or not a child should attend a funeral is their emotional readiness. Children process grief differently than adults, and their understanding of death varies by age and developmental stage. Toddlers may not fully comprehend the permanence of death, and older children often struggle with complex emotions such as sadness, fear, confusion and guilt.
It is best to avoid leaving a child alone during the wake, funeral service or burial if possible. Having a trusted friend or relative stay with them can help them feel safe and secure. It also gives them someone to turn to if they need to leave the room or take a break.
While the decision to include a child in a funeral or memorial service is a very personal one, most parents find that having their children present is the most meaningful way to honor their deceased child. It is also important to provide a variety of ways for children to participate in the ceremony, including reading a favorite poem, story or letter; singing their favorite song or lullaby; writing messages to their loved one on a message board or matted picture frame; and sharing a special momento from home.
If the body will be viewed at the visitation or funeral, it is important to explain that the person in the casket will not wake up and that they are simply resting. Some children may be frightened by the appearance of their loved one in the casket and may not want to view it. If this is the case, a closed casket or urn can be arranged.
Involving a child in the planning of their own funeral or memorial service can be very healing for many families. This can give them a sense of control and help them connect to their loved one in a way that feels meaningful to them. For example, some children choose to dress in their favorite color or wear a shirt or sweater with the deceased’s name on it. Other children have preferred songs or poems read during the service, and shy children can be encouraged to write a special message on a memory book or matted picture frame.