A child funeral is a special service where family and friends come together to say goodbye to a deceased infant, stillborn or young child. Some families choose to hold a funeral for their baby in a church or other religious venue while others prefer to have a private burial service. Whether the funeral is public or private, it’s important to include children in this event as much as possible. Many people feel that excluding children from the funeral will hinder their ability to grieve later on in life. Having an honest discussion about the funeral with your child will help them understand what will happen and give them control over their participation.
The first thing to discuss with your child is what they will see and experience at the visitation or funeral. Explain that their sibling isn’t going to be present, but they will be able to see them in a casket or urn on a memorial table. Explain that there may be music, speakers or eulogies, photos and other mementos of their life. It’s also important to explain that people will be crying, but that it’s okay for grown-ups to do so.
If you decide to have a visitation or funeral for your child, take them to the location ahead of time so they can get used to the space and know what to expect. This is especially important if the funeral will be held at a different facility from your home, as this can be disorienting for a child. Show them where they can go to get a drink of water, bathroom or snack and make sure there are activities for them to do if they need to leave the room for a little while.
During the funeral or gathering, ask your child to share their favourite memories of the deceased and talk about how they felt. This can be comforting for them and keep the memory alive. If your child is too young to participate in this, a favourite bedtime story can be read aloud or a favourite poem can be written and placed with their casket or urn.
It’s also a good idea to plan ahead of time for a headstone or grave marker. Some families decide to have a special photo or graphic engraved on their child’s headstone, while others prefer to place flowers at the graveside. You can also opt for a bench or tree planting to create a permanent, serene reminder of your child’s memory. If you are unsure of what to do for your child’s memorial, consider talking with a funeral director. They can help you design a meaningful ceremony that fits your family’s needs. They may even have ideas for you that you never thought of before! They can also help you find ways to remember your child throughout the year that will be comforting for all.