For many parents, the death of their child has been a difficult time for them and their families. Making decisions about a funeral, burial or cremation can be a very emotional and confusing time for everyone. However, a child funeral is an opportunity to remember the life of your loved one and celebrate their journey through life.
Children are wise, resilient and often more creative than adults might think. Including them in funeral arrangements can be a very positive experience and will help you and your child come to terms with their loss. It will also allow others to see the beauty, hope and light that life, even in its smallest form, brings.
Depending on their age and temperament, your child might choose to attend the funeral service or not. If you decide to take them, be sure to prepare them for the experience. Explain that it will be a sad event and they might see people crying. If they do not want to go, that is completely fine and okay too.
If you are going to take your child to the funeral, consider asking them to be a part of the ceremony by helping with readings, singing or giving a speech. This is an excellent way to make them feel important and validate their thoughts and feelings. It can also help them to connect with their family members and siblings who might not have been present at the time of the death.
It is a good idea to take your child to visit the crematorium or cemetery ahead of time so they know what to expect. You might also ask them if they would like to release butterflies or balloons at the funeral or memorial service.
Some families choose to include a teddy bear or favourite toy in their baby’s coffin. Others choose to include a special picture, poem or letter. Other options might be to include some of your baby’s favourite music or songs at the ceremony, a poem or story, a piece from their birth certificate, a photograph of them as a newborn or infant and their footprints.
Funerals can be very long and boring for children and a hush bag of activities and snacks might help them to stay calm and quiet. It is also a good idea to protect them from fawning sentimentality. Aunt Bertha’s tears and hugs can be very upsetting for a young child. If your child is overwhelmed at any time, it is a good idea to ask someone to take them out for a short period of time. This will give you the chance to sit with them and talk. They might have more questions than you were expecting so it is a good idea to prepare answers ahead of time. You might also like to consider asking a trusted friend or relative to be their funeral buddy. This can free you up to attend to your own needs while knowing that they are in safe hands with a familiar face.