Choosing a child funeral is a very personal decision for families. A child funeral can be as simple or elaborate as the family chooses, but there are a few things to consider.
If you want a child funeral, it is best to plan ahead as much as possible. This can be helpful to avoid any surprises for the family and other attendees. You will likely need to make a number of arrangements with the funeral director or your church.
Many families choose to bury their child in a casket that resembles their favorite outfit, such as a dress or uniform if they were a ballerina or baseball player. You can also request a special blanket, bedding or sports team flag to be used as the casket lining. You can even request a basket, bassinet, cradle or doll bed for an infant or a wagon padded with blankets for an older child.
It is important to talk to your children about the death of their sibling and the funeral ahead of time. Explain to them that their sibling will not be present at the service but that there will be pictures, a memorial table and a urn on display for them to remember their sibling by. It is also a good idea to talk to your children about what they can expect during the service and to be prepared for them to become restless or fidgety. It may be useful to have a book, favourite toy or quiet game on hand for them to use.
Younger children tend to have short attention spans and may tire easily during a funeral service or memorial. It may be helpful to have a friend or neighbour on standby who can take them out of the room for short periods of time if necessary. It is also a good idea to have a quiet area available for them to go to at the funeral or memorial where they can color or draw pictures, play games or watch movies. Older children can be encouraged to share their reflections and memories during a service or family gathering and may want to participate in other ways such as writing a message or poem to place in (or near) the casket or urn, picking flowers for the ceremony or reading a tribute during the funeral service.
Having an experienced bereavement support worker on hand at the funeral or memorial can be very beneficial for grieving families. This person can help you to create a plan of action for how to proceed and answer any questions your children may have. If you live in England, Wales or Northern Ireland you can apply to the Child Funeral Fund for assistance with some of the costs associated with a child funeral. This can be a huge financial relief for families. You can find more information on their website here. There are also a number of other charities and support groups that can assist with the financial aspect of a child funeral.