Children often feel a deep need to be included in the rituals and events that celebrate life. This can include weddings, funerals, and other ceremonies. However, parents need to be careful that they don’t force their child to participate in a funeral if they are not ready. It is important to talk with your child about their decision and make sure that they are prepared for whatever happens. It is also helpful to give them options should they decide not to attend, such as staying with a friend or having the funeral live-streamed.
Explain what will happen at the funeral service: what the room will look like, what the casket or urn will be like, and how long the ceremony will last. It is also a good idea to make a list of who will be there to help them understand what is happening. During the service, it is a good idea to have a point person in case your child needs a break or feels overwhelmed. This could be a trusted relative or neighbor. They can take the child for a walk or have an activity bag ready to distract them.
It is a good idea to let your child know that it is ok to touch their deceased sibling. However, it is a good idea to note that their body will be cold to the touch and may have marks or scars from their life. It is also a good idea to explain that the body will be cremated or buried and that they can still have a special part of their sibling.
During the funeral or memorial service, it can be helpful to have your child light candles or place flowers. These small tasks can allow them to feel included in the ceremony and will give them something to do as they experience their emotions. It is also a good idea to ask your child if they want to share their memories of the deceased with the group.
After the funeral, it is a good idea to check in with your child and see how they are feeling. It is a good idea to talk about what they saw, heard, and experienced. This can help them process their emotions and will prevent future problems related to suppressed grief.
While it can be difficult for children to say goodbye, the experience of a funeral can help them understand death as final and can assist in the healing process. While it is not ideal for every child, allowing your child to make the choice of whether or not to attend a funeral can be a great way for them to begin their journey through grief. Remember that children are often able to process their emotions more quickly than adults. Therefore, they can be more open to talking about their feelings and experiences. This is a healthy, natural, and essential part of grieving. As with all things in parenting, it is important to listen to your child’s cues and do what feels right for them.