A child funeral is a time to help your family process the grief that comes with losing a baby or young child. It is important to discuss your beliefs and traditions with a clergyperson or celebrant who has experience in this area. Depending on your child’s age and comfort level, there are a number of ways to involve them in the ceremony.
A small child can be included in the service by sitting near the casket or urn. This can provide a sense of connection with the ceremony and may make it easier for them to later remember the person in their life.
An alternative is to have a special table or room dedicated for children where they can color, play games and make a memory box. The room can be staffed by volunteers who are willing to listen and answer questions.
For older children, you can allow them to share their thoughts or memories about the person who died at the ceremony. It is important to let them know that this is okay and not to be judged. This can help to ease their fear about talking in front of other people and makes them feel more comfortable.
When the day of the funeral comes, it is important to explain what will happen in terms that your child can understand. They should know how long the ceremony will be and where it will take place, as well as who they will sit with and what people or things they will see. It is also helpful to give them a way to participate in the service such as writing their name on a message board or picking out pictures for a photo frame.
Some children choose not to view the body and if this is the case for your family, be sure to allow them to make that choice. If your child wants to see the body, give them a clear explanation of what to expect and reassurance that they will not be scared or uncomfortable. If they decide to leave the room at any time, be sure to have a point person who is familiar with their needs and can help to find them.
After the service, it is a good idea to allow your child to be the first one to touch and move dirt over their grave. This will be a very emotional and memorable moment for them. You can also ask other children or adults to sprinkle glitter over the headstone or scatter flower petals. It can also be helpful to have a sign-up sheet for people who would like to plant a tree or do some other type of environmental service.