The death of a child can be especially challenging for parents and families. When you add the grief of planning a funeral into the mix, it can seem overwhelming. Fortunately, there are ways to make the experience less stressful and provide solace for your entire family.
Children often don’t know what to expect from a funeral, which can make it even more difficult for them to process their emotions. It is important to explain what will happen before, during and after the ceremony. Allow their questions and natural curiosity to guide your conversations. It is also helpful to visit the funeral home or burial site ahead of time, so your child knows where they are going and what to expect.
During the funeral, you can include your child in various rituals such as placing flowers or lighting candles. They may also be asked to assist in handing out memorial cards or take videos of people telling stories if they are older. Having them help in these small ways makes them feel included and gives them something to focus on during the service.
You should also prepare your child for the possibility that they will see their sibling in the casket or cremated remains. It is important to clarify that the body will look different than when they were alive, and that touching is a choice that they can make if they choose to. Depending on their age and comfort level, you can let them touch their sibling’s arm or hair as they say goodbye.
Other ways to involve your children in the funeral services include allowing them to place photos or other memorabilia in a display, letting them act as an assistant pallbearer or handing out a memorial card, or displaying their artwork on a screen during the service. You can also give them a memory box to keep at home, which they can decorate and add to with special items from their sibling’s life.
It is essential to have a trusted adult present at the funeral who can accompany and support your children. This person can reassure them, answer their questions, and offer them a safe space to retreat to if needed. Having someone to rely on will alleviate the stress of attending the service for you and your other children, as well as preventing you from having to leave at an inconvenient time. It is also a good idea to have a backup plan for your kids in case the funeral becomes too much for them to handle. If you and your other children are not able to attend the funeral, you should record it so that your children can watch it at a later time. This will be a way for them to say goodbye in their own way and help them cope with the loss over time. You should always follow your parental intuition and do what feels right for your family. There are no right or wrong ways to grieve and mourn.