A child funeral can be a difficult, yet important, part of the grieving process. It is especially important that parents explain to their children what will happen at a service and give them the opportunity to decide if they want to attend.
Explain that a funeral is a celebration of life and a time for family and friends to come together and remember the special person who has died. A service can be religious or non-religious and may be held at a place of worship, funeral home or at the graveside. It is common for the service to include singing, a visitation or wake, a viewing of the casket or urn and some type of religious ritual.
It is also important to explain that everyone will be feeling a variety of emotions and it is okay to cry. It is also common for people to laugh and tell stories and that is okay too. Many families also choose to hold a reception or gathering after the service, this is a great time for family and friends to get to know each other and talk about their beloved child.
Depending on the age of your child, you may wish to create activities for them to do at the service. This is a great way to keep them occupied and gives them something to focus on. You can provide them with coloring and activity books, crayons, paper and crafts. You could ask other family members and friends to share their reflections or memories of your child, and have them sign a message board or matted picture frame. You might also include a sing-along of their favorite song and serve their favorite food.
You should also allow your child to see the funeral home before the service and familiarize them with the rooms. This will help them feel more comfortable at the actual ceremony.
If you are concerned about your child’s ability to manage the services, you can enlist a trusted friend or family member to be their “funeral buddy”. They can take them outside or into a hallway for a break if they start to become overwhelmed. This will also give you the time and space to experience your own feelings.
Your child’s death will be an emotional and upsetting event, regardless of the setting. You know your child best, so you can best assess how they will react and what is the right choice for them. In the end, it is up to them what they will choose. However, if you have done the preparation and they do decide to go, it can be a very healing experience for all.