Children can find a funeral difficult, even if they choose to attend. It is important to help them understand what will happen. It is also important to make sure they have an alternative if they do not wish to attend the funeral. It is important to give them choice and let them know there are other ways to remember their baby brother or sister and say goodbye besides attending the funeral.
Whether the child funeral is at home, at a crematorium or a graveside service it is important to explain the logistics of the event. This includes where it will take place, who will be there and what they will see. This can be quite a lot of information for them to absorb, so it may be best to break it down into smaller chunks. Children often take in only as much information as they can cope with, so be patient and allow them to ask questions as needed.
If a casket is being used, it is important to tell the child that their sibling will be in the coffin and that it will be closed. Some families decide to use a portrait, an urn on a memorial table or other items instead of a casket. If this is the case, it is important to let the child know what they will see and that it is their choice if they would like to touch their sibling’s body or not. It is also important to explain that their sibling’s body may look different and that it is not a sign of illness.
A funeral or memorial is a very emotional time for everyone and this can be difficult for a child. It is important to make sure they have the option to leave if they feel overwhelmed. During the ceremony, it can be helpful to have a friend or support person on hand to comfort them and help them manage their emotions. It is also important to be honest with them about the fact that people cry at funerals and it is ok for them to do so too.
Some parents find it helpful to write a poem or story for their baby, this can be read at the funeral or buried with the child. Other parents also find it soothing to have a song or piece of music played at the service. Some children enjoy taking part in the services by reading a favorite poem or prayer or writing and drawing their own tributes which can be added to slideshows and programs.
It is not unusual for a child to feel they want to be somewhere else, this can often be a sign that their sibling’s death has hit them very hard and they are struggling to cope with it. It is not a sign that they do not love them and it is very important to respect their feelings. It is a good idea to talk to them about this before the funeral and try to reassure them that there are lots of other things they can do or see to remember their baby brother or sister.