When a child dies, the loss can be devastating. A funeral is a time for family and friends to come together and begin to heal. However, for many families a funeral can be difficult to attend, especially when a young child is involved. Children who lose a sibling may have difficulty understanding the grieving process and can also be reluctant to see their body. Providing children with options for attending funerals and memorial services is essential for helping them through this difficult time.
The first step is to make sure that your child is ready to attend the service by assessing their emotional maturity and asking what they understand. Be honest, and don’t try to protect them from the reality of death. If your child is not ready, you can still encourage them to go to the service and let them know that they are welcome and can stay with a trusted adult, friend or family member.
If your child wants to view their sibling’s casket, you can explain that their body has stopped working and they will look different. Explain that they can choose whether or not to touch their sibling’s body and that it is important that they know it is their choice. If your child is not comfortable touching their body, it is ok for them to ask for a photo instead.
For cremation or burial services, you can explain that their body will not be present at the service and that they will be buried in a grave or urn. Explain that they can visit their body in the cemetery later if they want to.
Some children are able to take part in the service by handing out programs, writing messages or drawing pictures. Older children and teenagers may want to deliver a speech or eulogy, and can often help with organising other parts of the ceremony. Other ways for children and teens to participate include decorating the coffin, bringing flowers or messages, writing a letter, lighting candles, playing music or a musical instrument, or putting items on a memory table.
You can ask other people in the community to speak about your child, or you can record a video. There are many other things that you can do to make the service more comfortable for your children, such as setting aside a room just for them or offering snacks and drinks. It is important to allow your child to express themselves in their own way and to support them through their feelings.