Children who have lost a loved one often feel like they are being left out of the funeral process. This can cause them to feel confused, sad, and angry. They need to be included in order to understand that their relative’s death is a significant event and it is not something that is going to change. However, it is important to take their comfort level and age into consideration when deciding whether they should attend the services.
Most children have never attended a funeral before, and they may be scared or confused by what they will see. It is important to prepare them for what they will experience before, during, and after the service by answering their questions and giving them as many details as possible. This will help them know what to expect and it will give them the opportunity to voice their concerns.
Children can also benefit from creating a memory box with items that remind them of their loved one, photos, stories, favourite bedtime songs etc. It can be a very cathartic experience for them and it helps keep the memory alive, especially for young children who may have a tendency to forget over time. It is also a good idea to involve them in lighting candles, placing flowers or other ceremonial tasks during the service.
If you are worried about your child’s ability to cope at the funeral or memorial services, it is a good idea to assign them a buddy who will be there for them throughout the ceremony. This will allow you to fulfil your duties, and your child will have someone there with them to answer any questions or to calm them if needed.
You can also encourage your child to share their memories of the deceased with others during a service or at a gathering afterwards. This can be a very comforting and healing experience for them, and it can also help you to remember your beloved child as well.
The decision to include children in the funeral or memorial service is an entirely personal choice and it is important to follow your heart. If the relationship with the deceased was close and important to them, it is likely that they will want to be involved. However, it is a very difficult decision to make and you should always take your child’s comfort level into consideration.
Some parents prefer to take their baby or child home for a short period of time before the funeral, as this can help them to adjust to being without them and gives them the chance to say goodbye in their own way. Most hospitals, hospices and funeral homes can provide a cold mattress or cot (called a cuddle cot) to ensure your child is comfortable during this time.
It is also a good idea to bring some colouring books and activities for your children to do during the service, as this can be a soothing distraction for them. You could even ask other family members and friends to join you and your children in this activity, as it will help them to bond and connect with each other as they share their thoughts and feelings.