Many parents worry that their children are too young to attend a funeral or memorial service. While it is important to respect a child’s wishes, they should never be forced to attend a service they don’t want to. Instead, it is important to focus on making the service as supportive as possible for all involved.
In addition to discussing what will happen, parents should also have a plan in place if a child decides not to go. This plan may include asking a trusted friend or family member to accompany them, finding another way to say goodbye, and creating alternative ways for the child to express their grief.
Explaining what happens at a funeral is one of the most important things parents can do. The article from Child Bereavement UK explains that children take in information at their level of development, so it is important to offer them age-appropriate and clear explanations of what they can expect.
A child funeral can include a wake or visitation, a ceremony and burial, or cremation with a memorial service. It is important for children to know what to expect before they arrive, and this includes knowing whether their sibling’s body will be present. If they are able to view their sibling’s casket, it is helpful to offer a detailed explanation, encourage questions, and repeatedly reassure that their sibling cannot feel cold or pain. If the body is not present, children can see their sibling’s portrait, an urn on a memorial table, or photo boards.
If a child decides to stay, it is a good idea for adults to be present with them for as long as they need. Parents should also consider other options for support if their child is attending the service, such as having an adult who can help them with activities if needed or allowing them to leave the service early.
Other ways a child can be supported at a service may include having a kids’ room or area with crafts, games and a caretaker to keep an eye on them. This can be as simple as a chair or couch where a friend is willing to sit, or more elaborate with a dedicated space in the church or funeral home. Creating an interactive element of the service can also be helpful for a child, such as asking friends and family members to share their reflections or memories or write messages on a message board or matted picture frame; passing a microphone and inviting guests to stand and say a final farewell; or asking a singer to perform a song or poem.
In some instances, hospitals can arrange a hospital funeral or memorial for infants and babies for a small fee. This can be an excellent option for families who do not want to plan a private ceremony, or who have concerns about their child’s age or temperament. In other cases, parents will choose to organize an individual funeral with the help of a funeral director. This can give them more flexibility and freedom with burial or cremation, but it can also be a more costly option.