Planning a Child Funeral
Children are never expected to be “normal” when they experience grief and loss, but that doesn’t mean that they should have to suffer alone. They have opinions that need to be respected and they have a right to say goodbye in a way that feels right to them. A child funeral allows families to do just that. While the decision to have a child funeral is entirely up to you, many families find that it’s a meaningful and important part of saying goodbye. The key is planning the funeral or memorial to fit your family and your child’s needs, and this is where it can be helpful to talk to a bereavement specialist who can help guide you with ideas and options. When planning a service for your baby, it’s a good idea to get your child involved in some way so that they feel a sense of ownership and comfort in the ceremony. This could be something as simple as asking them to write a poem, draw a picture or read a story to be included in the program. It may be helpful to also include a time for remembrances by friends and family members, either in person or via video, who can share their thoughts and memories of your baby. In most cases, a child funeral will take place in a religious setting, and it’s a good idea to involve your child in this choice as well. They can help choose readings for the service, music to be played and other small details that will create a warm and welcoming atmosphere. Inviting their friends and other children to dress in the same outfit as your child can be especially comforting, as can asking them to help place flowers on a memorial table or sign a message board. If your child has a living sibling who is attending the funeral, it’s important to set clear boundaries from the beginning so that they know what to expect. Explain that their sibling will be in a casket and may look different than when they were alive. It’s also important to make sure that your child knows that it is ok to touch their sibling but that the decision to do so is completely up to them and they will not be forced to do so. A bereavement specialist can explain that the difference in appearance will be temporary and will fade with time, and that the best thing to do is allow your child to see their sibling as they always were. For some children this can be a difficult concept to grasp and it is a good idea to plan ahead and ask a trusted friend or family member to be with your child during this time if needed. They can distract them with a favourite toy or book and provide reassurance and support when they need it. They can also bring some quiet activities for your child to do if they begin to become restless or overwhelmed.