A child funeral is a way to say goodbye to a baby who has died before birth or shortly after. A child funeral is also a time for family and friends to come together, remember the person who has died and support each other. Families who choose a child funeral can include children in the service or memorialization in ways that fit their needs and comfort level. This includes having siblings share stories, readings, music and other meaningful moments. Children can also participate in activities like a home ritual or planting a tree. It is important to remember that whether a child attends the funeral or not, their choice will have long term impact on how they understand and process their sibling’s death. Children who don’t attend a funeral without preparation, information and support may experience feelings of regret or resentment later in life.
It is best to explain what happens before, during and after a funeral to help your child decide if they want to go or not. Explaining things like what the funeral room looks like (including a casket or urn) and how long the service will last, can be helpful to reassure your child. Child Bereavement UK have a useful article about explaining funerals and burial to children.
Consider having a friend or family member who your child trusts to be with them during the ceremony. This person can support them, answer their questions and take them out of the setting if they become over-stimulated or need to have a break. They can also be a resource to talk with after the funeral for any questions or thoughts that may arise.
Ask a friend or family member to read a special story, poem or piece of writing about the person who has died. This can be a very comforting and moving moment for everyone. It can be especially helpful for younger children to hear a story they know and love. Often these readings or pieces of writing become treasured keepsakes for families.
Children can decorate or make flowers for a service, or write messages on paper or cards. They can also paint a rock that is then placed on the child’s grave or in another place that holds special meaning for them. It is also very common for people to bring musical instruments to a service or memorial gathering. If a family member or sibling plays an instrument, it can be very soothing and comforting for other children to listen to them play during the service.
Creating a child funeral can be very expensive and many people who have experienced a child loss struggle financially, particularly as they may not qualify for government assistance. It is worth looking into the Children’s Funeral Fund for England, Wales or Scotland as this can help towards funeral expenses. Other options to consider are asking for donations from family and friends, crowdfunding, or seeking financial assistance from a local bereavement charity.