The death of a child is deeply painful for parents and siblings and many choose to have a funeral ceremony to honour their child. It is important that the whole family attends the funeral and memorial service so that everyone can mourn together. Those who do not attend may find that they have long-term emotional issues because they never gave their grief a chance to be processed.
Many children find attending a funeral helpful and a positive experience. It helps them understand the death of their sibling and normalizes mourning as a natural human response to loss. It also allows them to say goodbye and gives them an opportunity to see their surviving parent in a state of rest.
Some families have chosen to have a room for children at the funeral home during the visitation period or the funeral. This is a place that they can go to be alone and think about their loved one, play or do things that will help them express their emotions in a safe environment. This room will be set up with things that the child liked such as a favourite blanket, doll, sports team or cartoon character. It will be decorated in a way that will make them feel comfortable and secure. It is also a place that they can come to if they need a break from the noise and activity of the funeral service.
It is also a good idea to involve the children in planning the funeral and memorialization. Having them help with lighting candles, putting flowers in a vase or placing them at the grave site are some small tasks that will give them a sense of responsibility and purpose. Having them create a memory book filled with photos, drawings and stories of their sibling is another way that they can say goodbye in a way that is meaningful to them. This will be a cherished keepsake that they can keep with them forever.
If the child will be viewed in a casket at a visitation or funeral service, it is important that you talk with them about what they can expect to happen when they go up to see the body and what it will look like. Some children do not notice any changes in the appearance of their loved ones in a casket while others are upset that the person no longer looks alive. It is also important to explain what cremation is and what will happen to the remains.
It is a good idea to assign a point person to help with any children at the funeral service. This could be a close friend of the family who knows them well or your funeral director. They can help with answering any questions that the child might have and provide distractions if needed. This person can also take the child for a walk or bring them a quiet activity to do if they become restless and fidgety.