Children grieve differently than adults, and they may experience many emotions as a result of the loss of their loved one. Children are often very honest in expressing their feelings, and as parents, it is important to listen and support them. While it is normal for children to act out during this stressful time, you can help them cope with their grief by making sure that they are comfortable at all times. If you are concerned that your child is exhibiting unusual behaviors, you should contact a professional counselor for guidance.
Children in this age group are able to understand the concept of death and are often ready to attend their first funeral. However, they still have questions and concerns that must be addressed before the funeral. This is a good time to visit the cemetery and crematorium with your child and explain what will happen before, during and after the ceremony.
A child’s natural curiosity will often lead to them wondering what will happen at a funeral service, and you can address any questions or concerns that they have by being honest and giving them as much detail as they need. You can also encourage them to ask their family and friends for help with understanding what will occur during the funeral service.
When it comes time for the funeral, you can explain to your child that their sibling will be laying in a casket. If the casket will be open, you can describe how their sibling is fully dressed (including shoes) and has their arms folded with their eyes closed. If the casket will be closed, you can offer a similar explanation and reassure your child that their sibling cannot feel cold, pain or fear.
During the funeral service, you can explain to your child that everyone will be there to pay their respects and celebrate their life. You can also invite them to participate by lighting a candle, placing something special (such as a photo or memento) in the casket or by reading a poem. Shyer children will usually feel more included if they have a choice to do something during the funeral or memorial service rather than being forced to do so.
You can also plan to have special teddy bears or other toys that will be placed in the casket or urn. This can be comforting for your child as they will have a physical reminder of their sibling throughout their life.
In addition to teddy bears or other toys, you can also encourage your child and their siblings to write letters to their baby sibling, which will be placed in the casket or tucked into their urn. You can also plan to have special poems or songs read during the service, and you can invite a family member, close friend or religious figure to make remarks. There is no right or wrong way to plan a child’s funeral, and you should do what feels most appropriate for your family.