If your baby has died, you may feel uncomfortable about organising a funeral or service. You might be concerned that a small child could disrupt the ceremony or cause distress to those attending. However, you can create a meaningful funeral service that meets the needs of your family and celebrates your child’s life.
You can involve your child in a variety of ways, depending on their age and comfort level. For example, you can ask if they would like to take part in the service by reading a poem, song or prayer. You can also let them know that they can leave the service if it becomes too much for them. During the ceremony you can also allow your child to carry a special teddy or toy into the coffin and place it on top as a symbolic act of love.
It can be helpful to enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member who will be there to support your child throughout the day. This person can be there to reassure them and distract them from any discomfort they may experience. They can also take them outside or to another room if they become restless or overwhelmed.
The best way to prepare your child is to talk to them about what will happen. During this conversation, you can explain the importance of the funeral and burial. You can also discuss your own feelings and answer any questions they might have.
As the funeral approaches, it is a good idea to take your child to the funeral home or burial site so they know what to expect. If they are likely to be at the funeral location for a long time, it is a good idea to show them areas where they can go to get food, drink and play. If your child is old enough, you can also consider asking them if they would like to publicly honour their sibling by reading a speech or poem.
If you decide to hold a funeral service, you can include your child by having them help select the casket lining or ceremonial shroud. You can also enlist their help in creating an order of service, slide show or memorial book.
Children often enjoy being involved in a service, and you can encourage them by letting them know that they can participate by writing a poem or drawing a picture to be included on the memorial or funeral cards. You can also invite them to be the honorary pallbearer or to carry a wreath or bouquet. You can even ask them to help you choose the music for the ceremony. This can be a very special and meaningful way to include your child in the funeral service and to create an everlasting keepsake of their contribution. If you do not want to ask your child to speak at the funeral, you can record their thoughts so they can listen to them later.