A child funeral is a chance for children to participate in a service that is designed specifically for them. It is an opportunity for them to express their feelings, connect with the deceased and take part in family rituals. It can also be an educational experience for children to learn about death and grieving. Typically, the service is held at the funeral home or place of worship. If a family chooses to have a child funeral, parents should talk to their minister or rabbi or the funeral director to determine if they can be involved.
The most important thing is to prepare children in advance about what will happen. It is important to let them know that they will be attending a special service and that it is okay to cry. Many children are afraid of being seen crying by their peers and may be worried that they will not be able to participate in the funeral or memorial services without tears. It is helpful to talk to them about the fact that everyone cries differently and that it is okay to laugh, too.
If the body will be present during the visitation or at the funeral, it is a good idea to explain what that means and that they will be able to see the casket, if there is one. If the body will be cremated, it is a good idea to explain that to them as well.
In some cases, a child may wish to write a letter to their sibling who died or they may want to include a personal memento in the casket or urn. This can help them to say goodbye and can be a comforting memory in the future.
It is a good idea to bring a book, favorite toy or quiet game for the child to keep them busy in case they become restless or fidgety during the ceremony. Often, children will need to express their grief in small doses and are more comfortable doing so in private. It can be a good idea to appoint an adult friend or family member as a “funeral buddy” for the child, someone they can go to for support and to answer their questions.
It is also a good idea to take the child to the funeral home or burial site ahead of time to get them familiar with the space. Most funeral homes are more than willing to help with this and will show them the different areas where they will need to go, including bathroom facilities and areas for respite. This can help to calm anxieties, especially if the funeral is expected to last a long time. Also, it is a good idea to discuss what will happen during the ceremony and what to expect, including how long they may need to be at each location.