If your child wants to attend a funeral or memorial service, it’s important that you support their choice. They may need help understanding what will happen or what to expect. You could ask someone they trust, such as a grandparent or close friend to keep an eye on them and be available to answer questions throughout the day.
Children often want to be involved in planning the funeral or ceremony, so giving them choices can help them feel included and comforted. They might choose photos to include, flowers or other decorations, music, readings and other rituals to honour the deceased. If you’re comfortable, they might want to help dress the body or choose a casket or urn.
It’s also important to let your child know that it’s okay to be sad and angry. Grief comes in waves and it’s natural to move in and out of feeling different emotions at any given time. It’s also normal for them to play, laugh and even be silly at times, as this can provide a sense of relief from some of the more intense feelings.
Depending on the situation, it may be appropriate to show your child their sibling’s body. If a casket is open, it’s helpful to explain that their sibling will be wearing a full outfit and will be lying comfortably with their eyes closed and arms folded. If your child is especially young and the option of a closed casket is offered, you can describe the outfit they will be wearing in detail (including shoes and socks) and reassure them that their sibling will not be cold or in pain.
If you are going to have your child’s body buried or cremated, it’s useful to explain this in detail as well. For example, you might describe how their body will be in a grave or urn and that it’s okay to touch it if they would like. You might also explain that their ashes will be scattered or kept in a special place and that it’s okay to visit the site whenever they wish.
You might also consider having a memorial service for your child at a cemetery or other meaningful space, where family and friends can come together to remember them. For many families, this can be a comforting way to say goodbye and it can help children to see that grieving doesn’t have to end when you move on from a tragedy. Similarly, you might find it helpful to record the funeral or memorial service so that your child can watch it at a later date if they wish. It’s important to talk with your child about their decision, as they might have misunderstandings or need more information and it’s fine for them to change their mind. It’s also worth remembering that they might regret not attending a funeral or memorial service in the future.