Inviting children to the funeral can be a deeply meaningful experience, and may help them feel connected to their lost loved one. However, deciding whether or not to include children in the service can be difficult. You should consider what will be most comfortable for you and your child, and work to create a ceremony that feels right.
Children can be very honest about what they want to do, and you should always listen to them. They might be tempted to hide from the situation, but you must encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings. This can be hard for parents, but it is vital that you support their wishes and decisions.
Some children may feel they want to view their sibling’s body. It is important to explain what will happen at the funeral home and other venues, and allow them to ask questions. They may be apprehensive about what they will see and imagine that their sibling will be cold or scared, but you must reassure them that their sibling is no longer in pain and is not dead. You should also note that the decision to touch their sibling’s body is a personal one, and they can choose not to do so if they wish.
Many families will include special photos, teddy bears or other items that the baby enjoyed in their coffin during the ceremony. This can be a beautiful way for siblings to feel connected and close to their sibling, while also honouring them during the service. Some siblings might even choose to write a letter or poem for their brother or sister, and this can be a lovely keepsake to remember them by.
You should discuss the funeral services with your children and explain who will be there, what they might see and hear and when it will take place. You should also talk about the funeral service itself, and let them know that if they are feeling overwhelmed, it is OK to leave. You can also appoint a trusted adult as their “funeral buddy” and allow them to take this person outside or into the hallway for a break, if needed.
While it is important for children to be included in a funeral service, some families prefer not to have a public ceremony for their deceased child. This is perfectly fine, and should be respected by those who attend. You might like to consider holding a gathering after the funeral where family and friends can share memories and photographs, or you could choose a more private memorial.
It is important for parents to take care of themselves during this difficult time. It is a very emotional and intense event, and it is easy to become overwhelmed. Be sure to stay nourished and hydrated, wear comfortable clothes and take breaks regularly. It is also a good idea to designate someone else to communicate with your friends and family on your behalf, so that you can focus on your grief.