A child funeral is a ceremony that honors an infant who has died. This type of service can be more informal than a traditional funeral, but can still include the most important elements such as a memorial service and a graveside service. Families often choose to hold a child funeral for their baby at the place that is most meaningful to them, such as home, church, or their favorite park.
Planning a child funeral can feel overwhelming. Below are a few tips to help families navigate this difficult time and make decisions that feel right for them.
1. Explain What Will Happen
Be honest with your children about what will happen during the visitation, ceremony, and after-ceremony activities. Let their natural curiosity guide the discussion and provide them with as much information as they want to hear, such as what the room will look like (including an open or closed casket) and how long each part of the day will last.
2. Help Them Understand Grief
It can be difficult to imagine how your child will react to seeing their sibling in a casket, but it is important to prepare them for this reality. Reassure them that their sibling will not be in pain and that it is ok to cry. Explain that their sibling’s body may look different than it did when they were alive and point out any visible marks, scars, or swelling. It can also be helpful to remind them that it is ok to touch their sibling but to be gentle.
3. Offer Options
Many infant loss support groups suggest that parents should give their child choices when planning a funeral or memorial service. This allows them to decide how they would like to celebrate their life and can be very comforting to them. Options could include a thematic color, an honorary pallbearer, a video tribute, and so on. Some hospitals offer a memorial service for infants that is tailored to this special occasion, and there are also many funeral homes that can assist you in planning a service.
4. Ask for Help
When planning a child funeral, it is important to reach out to friends and family for support. Ask for help from a trusted friend or family member to attend the services with you, as well as to help your child throughout the day if they need it. This person can also help you remember your child and celebrate their life by pointing out things that are meaningful to them, such as their favorite food, music, photos, or ways they want to be remembered. It is also a good idea to record or photograph the service as this can be helpful in the coming years when your child has questions or wants to view it again. Child Bereavement UK and Winston’s Wish have excellent resources on explaining funerals, burials, and cremation to children.