Children don’t always understand what happens at a funeral or memorial service. They may be afraid to go because they do not feel comfortable with the whole process. It is important for parents to give their children the choice to attend or not. They should explain what will happen and let the child decide if they want to go.
It is helpful to visit the funeral home and other locations prior to the day of the ceremony to familiarize children with what will happen. This can help them feel less afraid, and it will allow you to explain more details about the service. You can also ask the funeral director to take them into an empty room and show them what a casket may look like, and it is not uncommon for them to have a picture of a deceased person in their office that they would be happy to share with children.
The funeral or memorial service is a time for people to gather and remember the person who died, share stories, and support one another. You can make this a more inviting place for children by providing activities to keep them engaged. This can include coloring and making cards, or a dedicated space for them to play games or do their favorite activity. You can also pass around a microphone and invite friends and family to share reflections or memories. Some families have a picture frame for people to sign and write messages to the person who has passed, which can be displayed at the service or afterward.
If you choose to have the person buried at the funeral home, crematorium or cemetery, consider having the burial at the end of the service. This allows for a final farewell and gives the child a sense of closure. You can also have the ashes scattered at a later date or keep them at home.
After the funeral, you should spend some time talking to your child about their experience. This will help them process their feelings and understand that you are there to support them, no matter what decision they make. It is also a good idea to have someone else, such as a friend or relative, sit with them at the service, so that they have an adult to talk to if things get too emotional for them.
The most important thing to remember is that your child is a child first. They will express their grief in small doses, and outward signs may come and go. You should provide them with a safe escape, such as a hallway or outside, so they can leave the service when they need to. You should also appoint someone, such as a trusted aunt or uncle who can leave the services with them, to be their “funeral buddy.” This will relieve you of the pressure of having to watch them and will allow you to be fully present for the ceremony.