If your child wants to attend the funeral service, it’s important to respect their choice and support them. Children experience grief in different ways, and they can change their mind or become overwhelmed at any time. If they do decide to attend, it’s important that they have an understanding of what will happen and a chance to express their emotions. It’s also important that they are given the opportunity to say goodbye in their own way, whether that means leaving the service early or doing something special at home like telling a story or making a drawing.
For young children who want to attend a service, planning is essential. Explain what they will see: the somber setting, people wearing dark colors, the casket or urn, and people talking about the deceased. Explain what to expect from the service, including speeches, prayers and rituals. This will help them prepare and feel less anxious about what to expect.
It’s a good idea to have a buddy for your child at the service, someone who won’t mind taking them outside or into a hallway for a quick break if needed. It’s a good idea to select this person in advance so that they can be prepared for the role.
Some children will be sad and cry during a service, while others may not show much emotion or appear unaffected. It’s important to remember that kids have a hard time processing difficult emotions, and their feelings will come and go throughout the day.
In addition to a memorial or funeral service, you can hold a celebration of life to honor your child’s memory. This can be an intimate affair that takes place at your home, a private venue or in a park. During this event, guests can share stories, memories and words of encouragement. You can also display personal items such as a favorite toy, a baby blanket, photos or artwork.
Many parents choose to dress their infant or toddler in a favorite outfit, such as a bib or onesie, for the funeral service. This can be comforting for the entire family, especially if they have to leave the service early.
For older children, you can ask them to write or draw messages that can be placed in the casket or urn. You can also have children or guests dress in a child’s favorite sports team, cartoon or movie character outfit for the funeral service. Other creative options include using a child’s favorite cradle, doll bed, Moses basket or bassinet for the casket lining or ceremonial shroud; or displaying a youth or wagon padded with blankets in place of a casket. You can also record or have a guest read a favourite story or poem. All of these things can help children connect with the deceased in a way that feels meaningful to them.