A funeral, whether it be for a baby, child or young adult, is an important event for families. It is a time to share memories, receive support and say goodbye. It is not uncommon for young children to experience grief and loss. Depending on the age of your child, it may be difficult for them to understand why someone died or how a funeral service works.
During this time, it is important to be as open and honest as possible. Many parents find it helpful to break down the funeral process for their children so that they can make an informed decision on whether or not to attend. This can be done by describing what the ceremony will look like in detail and answering any questions that they may have.
Explain the logistics of the funeral and what will happen before, during and after it. Use age-appropriate language and let the child’s natural curiosity guide the conversation. For example, you might tell your child that the funeral service will be at a church or other venue and that there might be other people in attendance. You could also explain that people might wear more formal attire and that they might be crying. It is also important to discuss the fact that your child’s sibling’s body will be present and, if you are choosing to have an open casket, explain what it will look like.
Younger children can be particularly restless at a funeral and might need to move around or play. To help them feel supported, it is often useful to have a point person assigned to them. This can be a family member, friend, religious leader or the funeral director. This person can be the one to talk to if they have any questions or concerns during the service, take them for a walk, have an activity bag prepared for them and more.
Children who choose not to attend the funeral may regret it later and you should not force them to do so. However, if your child is unsure if they want to attend, try to be supportive and reassuring. Offer to take them for a short memorial service instead and consider having a recording of the service so that they can listen to it later, if they wish.
For very young children, it may be easier to have a smaller memorial service at the graveside or a favourite place. This can be led by a celebrant or the funeral director and may include a small presentation with pictures, a video tribute or a short reading or song.